http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eMQyX-zAhQ This song is about me being in a new place. My friend, six hours away was supposed to be here tonight, but outside influences occurred. I had a choice to make. The first choice, which will probably be the main contemplation is, Am I going to be a victim?
My response - No, that's why metal music was created. It says it all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4nCy5CITc8&feature=related Before recovery, I had to file my anger away. Either that, or freak out with it. Tonight, I get to express it.
I'm a bit ticked off with the negative associations linked to addictive personalities. What if Einstein had decided his habits were isolating him, and stopped his behaviours? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPA2rEsIgSU&feature=related What if Edison decided his relationship with science was dysfunctional? What if Sharon Osbourne had left Ozzy? Speaking of which, look at how long they have been married. I love it. You know what I regret not being able to share with you right now? I wish I could just take sound bytes, and incorporate them into this reading. *ha ha* It takes a lot of time just to compose written work. I can't imagine what it'd be like with recording equipment. Time to slip into an imagination...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zYpqQW8CwI&playnext=1&list=PL4AFFE1907971A6E3&index=5 Before I tell you the imagination, my friend is delayed b/c he's having difficulty connecting w/ some one who has my cheque. He could've come up without it. But, then what? How long before I can confirm the details of the payment? The most frustrating part is there's no reason for it, and I just read some gossip about the people with the cheque. I hate gossip! So, here's my escapism... If I had a million dollars, I would own a little house with a yard, and a studio. I'd have an electric guitar with all kinds of boxes, and hire a sexy guy to play it/them. *ahem. that's another story*
In this realm, I wouldn't have to work to earn money. I'd work because I enjoy it. I'd have my own radio show, and a trashy, short story magazine. Well, not really trashy. I'd still do some work for a paycheck, because I love the people. I have very, very rarely had to work with some one I did not like. And with the one person it was kind of funny, b/c I would nicely antagonize her. No one liked her, so my intention was that she would recognize it.
Now I must step away b/c I keep thinking of the guy with the guitar. Perhaps details will follow...
Thank you for coming to my pity party. It's so hard to accept the fact that I can't control my life. Nor can I take the blame for the way it is out of control right now, so there goes the opportunity forself-afflicting thoughts. I wouldn't even enjoy getting wasted. And pity finds its place again! For a second, I was happy. Whew. The party's been saved. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7AEkStx-oQ
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Moonlight Becomes You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZQQ0vUBceM&feature=related
Three years ago, I compiled a story on cardboard strips. It seems now is the right time for its posting. We had a lunar eclipse last night, on the winter solstice. The title is, Moonlight Becomes You. It is a story about a woman in an unhappy marriage. She cannot reconcile the situation. Her husband is passive aggressive, nice to every one surrounding them, but the things he says and does are veiled guises of criticism of her.
As fate would have it, Penelope gets called away on a work assignment. She and Skylar become closer as the project progresses, and find themselves in a magical event of passion. While they are in the midst of it, they simultaneously have out of body experiences. In her spirit, she hears Moonlight Becomes You. Hence, the title (which incidentally has already been used by Mary Higgins Clark. Thanks a lot, Mary.).
ACT TWO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KDcsnhn6AQ&feature=fvst
Palmer, the husband, is very insightful and recognizes something is different. He changes the lock on the door, and when Penelope finds she cannot get access, he claims it was a mistake. He changed the lock because of neighbourhood thefts, and went to pick her up at work, but she wasn't there. Meanwhile, the completed project is openly recognized by her boss. She rightfully receives most of the credit, and is given a promotion. As much as she can, she includes Skylar, but he is bitter and leaves the company. Penelope is seen at her desk, surrounded by work.
ACT THREE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2u0fp84sLk
Palmer's attempts at control are quelled by Penelope's work demands. He unsuccessfully tries to make her feel guilty, then threatens divorce. Friends and inlaws are pulled into his web of deceit, but Penelope no longer has time to deal with his shananigans. At his request, which was not meant to be taken literally, she serves him with the papers for divorce. He threatens he will kill himself, so she puts him in an institution. Then, the family is given responsibility for his care. The divorce is completed and she attains the house. She sells the house, and moves to the sister company in L.A. where she becomes district manager. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pHlXvmrF5s
Three years ago, I compiled a story on cardboard strips. It seems now is the right time for its posting. We had a lunar eclipse last night, on the winter solstice. The title is, Moonlight Becomes You. It is a story about a woman in an unhappy marriage. She cannot reconcile the situation. Her husband is passive aggressive, nice to every one surrounding them, but the things he says and does are veiled guises of criticism of her.
As fate would have it, Penelope gets called away on a work assignment. She and Skylar become closer as the project progresses, and find themselves in a magical event of passion. While they are in the midst of it, they simultaneously have out of body experiences. In her spirit, she hears Moonlight Becomes You. Hence, the title (which incidentally has already been used by Mary Higgins Clark. Thanks a lot, Mary.).
ACT TWO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KDcsnhn6AQ&feature=fvst
Palmer, the husband, is very insightful and recognizes something is different. He changes the lock on the door, and when Penelope finds she cannot get access, he claims it was a mistake. He changed the lock because of neighbourhood thefts, and went to pick her up at work, but she wasn't there. Meanwhile, the completed project is openly recognized by her boss. She rightfully receives most of the credit, and is given a promotion. As much as she can, she includes Skylar, but he is bitter and leaves the company. Penelope is seen at her desk, surrounded by work.
ACT THREE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2u0fp84sLk
Palmer's attempts at control are quelled by Penelope's work demands. He unsuccessfully tries to make her feel guilty, then threatens divorce. Friends and inlaws are pulled into his web of deceit, but Penelope no longer has time to deal with his shananigans. At his request, which was not meant to be taken literally, she serves him with the papers for divorce. He threatens he will kill himself, so she puts him in an institution. Then, the family is given responsibility for his care. The divorce is completed and she attains the house. She sells the house, and moves to the sister company in L.A. where she becomes district manager. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pHlXvmrF5s
Sunday, December 19, 2010
SuNu's Literary Radio Program - Session Two
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC09nnuHtOs&NR=1&feature=fvwp Hi. SuNu here on a Sunday night. I hope every one has had a great weekend. At karaoke last night, I hung out with some new friends and learned a song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyRZTAmcW7c Sorry about that. It was more about the person who was singing it. Let's chalk it up under 'cultural experience'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C28AT_n6JlU&feature=related The tv is beckoning, and the steak in the fridge needs to be cooked. It appears this will be a short session. Sweet dreams every one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bro1uLtlMxs&feature=more_related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ92qqzutcE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-pPjxN3RP8&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIuY7N7yef4&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74lz4vMevuI&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqKWXirsU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ92qqzutcE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-pPjxN3RP8&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIuY7N7yef4&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74lz4vMevuI&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqKWXirsU
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Edited edition of Family Tradition Commentary - The Artform of Intercession
Four days ago, I was shopping at a discount store, when a horrible rendition of Silent Night played. I received a picture in my mind of a man in his fifties, shooting himself in the head. That was the inspiration for the post. It was originally a 'character development' piece about a man who had incessant thoughts, then shot himself, and ironically Silent Night played. As I began to document it, there was an expansion that included the wife and children.
After the post was finally published, I witnessed a news report that was eerily similar. Here's the news report: http://www.aolnews.com/tag/clay+duke
The comparisons (including symbolism) are:
- couple in their mid fifties
- wife surrounded by children that are not her own
- Zavier translates house, the man's name was Clay
- man shot himself in the head
- V for Vendetta / the birth of Justice
- man went upstairs / man went to board meeting (symbolic)
- Marian having to relieve herself / Ginger L had to 'do something' - both confront situation
- The Sound of Music- the theme of finding salvation in another geographical place / Rebecca, Clay's wife was looking for work in another area when the incident occurred
- in both instances, Justice is conceived in the error of the man's ways
(The points didn't translate using cut +paste, which is kind of cool b/c now you can do your own comparisons. As you view/read the newsclips you may want to take analytical notes ex. V for Vendetta. The idea is to perceive it point by point, rather than with the vision for the whole situation. That will come later. I took a course from an accredited Christian ministry on dream interpretation, and am applying what I learned here.)
I believe I was interceding for the situation. Intercession is not a boring ritual of repeating liturgys over and over again. Intercession is like lovemaking that occurs between a married couple.* It is a 'getting to know one another' at an intimate level. God shares a little detail. As we let the detail develop, He continues to share. We continue to respond. At its conclusion, the natural confirms the event. While the saving of lives is of course important, the intercession on a personal note, is not about what happened. (After the man shot himself, every one accredited God with the protection of their lives.)
Intercession is about relationship between God and prayee being cultivated. I really love creative writing, but it does not compare with the knowledge that My Love shared his secrets with me.
Intercession is about relationship between God and prayee being cultivated. I really love creative writing, but it does not compare with the knowledge that My Love shared his secrets with me.
One final note: When I was originally composing the blog, the wife was speaking with an older boy while the girls watched the movie. I could not fit it into the story, but I wonder if there originally was a young man (perhaps as a security guard) in the event.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in[e] righteousness and justice,
in[f] love and compassion. 20 I will betroth you in[g] faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD. Hosea chapter 2
I will betroth you in[e] righteousness and justice,
in[f] love and compassion. 20 I will betroth you in[g] faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD. Hosea chapter 2
Because it is personal, we all hear from God in different ways. The sweet thing about Him is even when we are not in a committed relationship with Him, He still communicates with us. It is my prayer that you will now be more aware of how He is speaking to you. No matter how you respond, I also hope you will know He is without partiality listening to you.
Commentary on 'Family Tradition' - The Artform of Intercession
Four days ago, I was shopping at a discount store, when a horrible rendition of Silent Night played. I received a picture in my mind of a man in his fifties, shooting himself in the head. That was the inspiration for the post. It was originally a 'character development' piece about a man who had incessant thoughts, then shot himself, and ironically Silent Night played.
I don't have a computer at home, and I didn't want to write it out by hand, so by the time I got to a computer yesterday, the story was yearning to be told. As I began to document it, there was an expansion that included the wife and children. The birth of Justice is, of course, symbolic. It's a depiction of one life ending, so another one can begin, much like Evey Hammond in V for Vendetta. I guess Marian would be Evey, and the baby is the purpose, or 'vendetta'. I mention it because after the post was finally published, I witnessed a news report that was eerily similar. It was so strange that I could not sleep until 5 am, and am now wide awake on four hours of sleep.
That is not like me. My favourite song is Deep Purple's Lazy. If I could have a no worries week's vacation, I wouldn't travel. I'd just want a really nice room with a waterbed, internet access, notebooks, sketchpads, and good food. Anyway, this is a blog, not a novel. Or as it is heard on the Roadhouse Blues outtakes, 'We're going to the roadhouse, not the bathroom.' *smile* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b6gpNK7FMM&feature=fvw
Here's the news report: http://www.aolnews.com/tag/clay+duke The comparisons (including symbolism) are:
One final note: When I was originally composing the blog, the wife was speaking with an older boy while the girls watched the movie. I could not fit it into the story, but I wonder if there originally was a young man (perhaps as a security guard) in the event.
* 19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in[e] righteousness and justice,
in[f] love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in[g] faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD. - Hosea chapter 2
I don't have a computer at home, and I didn't want to write it out by hand, so by the time I got to a computer yesterday, the story was yearning to be told. As I began to document it, there was an expansion that included the wife and children. The birth of Justice is, of course, symbolic. It's a depiction of one life ending, so another one can begin, much like Evey Hammond in V for Vendetta. I guess Marian would be Evey, and the baby is the purpose, or 'vendetta'. I mention it because after the post was finally published, I witnessed a news report that was eerily similar. It was so strange that I could not sleep until 5 am, and am now wide awake on four hours of sleep.
That is not like me. My favourite song is Deep Purple's Lazy. If I could have a no worries week's vacation, I wouldn't travel. I'd just want a really nice room with a waterbed, internet access, notebooks, sketchpads, and good food. Anyway, this is a blog, not a novel. Or as it is heard on the Roadhouse Blues outtakes, 'We're going to the roadhouse, not the bathroom.' *smile* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b6gpNK7FMM&feature=fvw
Here's the news report: http://www.aolnews.com/tag/clay+duke The comparisons (including symbolism) are:
- couple in their mid fifties
- wife surrounded by children that are not her own
- Zavier translates house, the man's name was Clay
- man shot himself in the head
- V for Vendetta / the birth of Justice
- man went upstairs / man went to board meeting (symbolic)
- Marian having to relieve herself / Ginger L had to 'do something' - both confront situation
- The Sound of Music- the theme of finding salvation in another geographical place / Rebecca, Clay's wife was looking for work in another area when the incident occurred
- in both instances, Justice is conceived in the error of the man's ways
One final note: When I was originally composing the blog, the wife was speaking with an older boy while the girls watched the movie. I could not fit it into the story, but I wonder if there originally was a young man (perhaps as a security guard) in the event.
* 19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in[e] righteousness and justice,
in[f] love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in[g] faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD. - Hosea chapter 2
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Family Tradition - A Christmas Story
The Zavier's were a happily married couple who had never had any children, so they devised a Christmas Eve tradition. Mr Zavier would pick up the neighborhood young ones while Mrs Zavier prepared snacks. Then, every one would sit around the television and watch the Sound of Music.
However, this year was different. Ed Zavier excused himself to go upstairs and never returned. While the girls smiled at the hills being alive with the sounds of music, Ed was playing, 'Silent Night'.
What no one knew was that he struggled with incessant, constant thoughts. They weren't necessarily bad thoughts. Often he would be analyzing and contemplating. The problem was, he couldn't stop surmising. Fittingly, the record skipped as he fatally shot himself. "All is calm, all is bright."
Marian, who was sixteen (and had not yet told her parents of her unplanned pregnancy) groaned. She, yet again, had to relieve her bladder. She was the first to hear Mr Zavier's song. Thinking she smelt smoke, she opened the door. *creak* She was dumbstruck. He was definately dead. In a state of shock, she lifted the needle of the turntable, only it slipped. "Sleep in heavenly peace..."
"Marian, is everything alright?" called Mrs Zavier from the bottom of the stairs. "Nnno" *ahem, cough* "No." Mrs Zavier hurried up the stairs.
Then, there were the procedures of calling an ambulance, and calling the parents. Once the commotion was over, Marian and Mrs Zavier found themselves in the kitchen crying, while trying to drink warm, beige tea sweetened with honey. Over and over, Marian wailed, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." "It's alright, dear," Mrs Zavier replied.
Feeling a bit stronger Marian explained, "You don't understand. Mr Zavier made me promise not to tell, but now that he's gone..."
"Why, what is it, dear?"
"I'm pregnant with his child."
The truth of the matter was Ed had reasoned he would never get caught. Marian had always been a meek and quiet child. When he learned of her pregnancy, he had no answer for the recompense that faced him. No matter how he calculated he could not format a way of escape.
Five months later, Justice was born.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-wLc4lpGeo (song of contemplation aka. the theme song)
However, this year was different. Ed Zavier excused himself to go upstairs and never returned. While the girls smiled at the hills being alive with the sounds of music, Ed was playing, 'Silent Night'.
What no one knew was that he struggled with incessant, constant thoughts. They weren't necessarily bad thoughts. Often he would be analyzing and contemplating. The problem was, he couldn't stop surmising. Fittingly, the record skipped as he fatally shot himself. "All is calm, all is bright."
Marian, who was sixteen (and had not yet told her parents of her unplanned pregnancy) groaned. She, yet again, had to relieve her bladder. She was the first to hear Mr Zavier's song. Thinking she smelt smoke, she opened the door. *creak* She was dumbstruck. He was definately dead. In a state of shock, she lifted the needle of the turntable, only it slipped. "Sleep in heavenly peace..."
"Marian, is everything alright?" called Mrs Zavier from the bottom of the stairs. "Nnno" *ahem, cough* "No." Mrs Zavier hurried up the stairs.
Then, there were the procedures of calling an ambulance, and calling the parents. Once the commotion was over, Marian and Mrs Zavier found themselves in the kitchen crying, while trying to drink warm, beige tea sweetened with honey. Over and over, Marian wailed, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." "It's alright, dear," Mrs Zavier replied.
Feeling a bit stronger Marian explained, "You don't understand. Mr Zavier made me promise not to tell, but now that he's gone..."
"Why, what is it, dear?"
"I'm pregnant with his child."
The truth of the matter was Ed had reasoned he would never get caught. Marian had always been a meek and quiet child. When he learned of her pregnancy, he had no answer for the recompense that faced him. No matter how he calculated he could not format a way of escape.
Five months later, Justice was born.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-wLc4lpGeo (song of contemplation aka. the theme song)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
SuNu's Literary Radio Program - Saturday night edition
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSpuVsLnl1k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhGK1z36veo
Welcome to SuNu's Literary Radio Program. I'm Sue Nu, inviting all to pursue self gratification without success, who think we should conform to their image of 'proper'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umeZtszNShk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEwNrjvNiYs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vP2hFFV57E
This is so much better than watching the Leafs play the Habs. I like hockey, but let's face it. They don't wear spandex. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo_T8kC1vnI
If I owned my own house, I would have a couch in the kitchen. 'Won't you come into my kitchen? Wanna show you my CorningWare.' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJDcVj3FTZ4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je8MXiwmNIk Now that I'm up north, my free time tends to revolve around tv programming. I receive two channels. Every weekday, I get to watch Jennifer Love Hewitt's fascination with herself via The Ghost Whisperer. Alright, that's a bit harsh, but she does like to play with different shots of herself. I guess that's fine. I mean who am I to criticize? Narcissism is my middle name (right after Mary) Anyway, it is usually a pretty good show, and it got me to thinking, if I was to meet a ghost that needed help crossing over to the other side, I'd want it to be Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones. I heard he used to go into the studio in his spare time and just record background sounds to go with the tracks. It sounds so romantic. Especially for a ghost. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLrYv4winEE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gswv_NODHa0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HS8c0DWqIEI *sigh* I wish I was a guitar. A Span-eesh Gee-tar. Hablas Espanol?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt80SUEhgNY Speaking of ending, this is only a blog and not a flippin' novel so I will leave you with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vR3Taa2QZ7M Have a good night, and remember if you drink, don't drive. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUW1SGF7bR8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhGK1z36veo
Welcome to SuNu's Literary Radio Program. I'm Sue Nu, inviting all to pursue self gratification without success, who think we should conform to their image of 'proper'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umeZtszNShk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEwNrjvNiYs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vP2hFFV57E
This is so much better than watching the Leafs play the Habs. I like hockey, but let's face it. They don't wear spandex. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo_T8kC1vnI
If I owned my own house, I would have a couch in the kitchen. 'Won't you come into my kitchen? Wanna show you my CorningWare.' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJDcVj3FTZ4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je8MXiwmNIk Now that I'm up north, my free time tends to revolve around tv programming. I receive two channels. Every weekday, I get to watch Jennifer Love Hewitt's fascination with herself via The Ghost Whisperer. Alright, that's a bit harsh, but she does like to play with different shots of herself. I guess that's fine. I mean who am I to criticize? Narcissism is my middle name (right after Mary) Anyway, it is usually a pretty good show, and it got me to thinking, if I was to meet a ghost that needed help crossing over to the other side, I'd want it to be Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones. I heard he used to go into the studio in his spare time and just record background sounds to go with the tracks. It sounds so romantic. Especially for a ghost. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLrYv4winEE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gswv_NODHa0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HS8c0DWqIEI *sigh* I wish I was a guitar. A Span-eesh Gee-tar. Hablas Espanol?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt80SUEhgNY Speaking of ending, this is only a blog and not a flippin' novel so I will leave you with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vR3Taa2QZ7M Have a good night, and remember if you drink, don't drive. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUW1SGF7bR8
Thursday, December 9, 2010
"For Propriety's Sake"
Having recently moved to a new area, I am learning the culture. The majority are either 25-35 or over 60 years old. To meet some one in their 40s is almost call to celebration in and of itself. Commence, my questionable encounter. Background scenario: We were at Karaoke, which ended at 11pm. The people are absolutely adorable. In spite of the fact that Elvis Presley has claim to five full pages in the songbook, there is a diversity of music, much of which is appropriate for ballroom and line dancing.
We noticed one another from the moment he walked into the room b/c we were the only 'young folk'. (I actually got ID'd) He invited me back to his place to play guitar, and I accepted. I hadn't touched a guitar for over a decade. While I was sidetracked by recollecting http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JY80pGWX92g
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUAdgt5Glk0 my new friend told me he had been a porn star. "Oh, for propriety's sake." He had done it to help with the expenses of his now ex-girlfriend's children. There is nothing I can do to take away his guilt and his shame. I can only acknowledge the pain.
I didn't tell him that I know some of that pain, because under the circumstance, it would not have been appropriate. What he doesn't know was that I was exploited by some one using my image. It was not with my consent, but that's not important in this situation. I know what it's like to have people look at me in a particular way b/c they have seen compromising pictures of me. Perhaps one of the most traumatizing points was that it could happen anywhere. I would be out enjoying myself, meeting people, and then some one would make a passive-aggressive comment. I guess they couldn't be direct, 'for propriety's sake'.
For propriety's sake, I could be a little more careful about my company. I acknowledge that like my abusers, I have seemingly had disrespect for my representation. However, my motives are not the same. I have not had disdain for myself or others, and I particularily know how to appreciate the dignity of one's privacy. Like many people who go through abusive situations, here I am questioning my own actions. If I had been more careful, I might not have been in that scenario. To that, I say, "Go seek self gratification with unsuccessful ends, abuser." (censored version) There is a whole photo album in my soul of people I maybe should not have met. It's an album that I cherish. To my 'porn star' friend, there are many things I cannot say, for propriety's sake, but I hope that he knows the picture that I hold of him is one of nobility and importance, not contempt.
We noticed one another from the moment he walked into the room b/c we were the only 'young folk'. (I actually got ID'd) He invited me back to his place to play guitar, and I accepted. I hadn't touched a guitar for over a decade. While I was sidetracked by recollecting http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JY80pGWX92g
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUAdgt5Glk0 my new friend told me he had been a porn star. "Oh, for propriety's sake." He had done it to help with the expenses of his now ex-girlfriend's children. There is nothing I can do to take away his guilt and his shame. I can only acknowledge the pain.
I didn't tell him that I know some of that pain, because under the circumstance, it would not have been appropriate. What he doesn't know was that I was exploited by some one using my image. It was not with my consent, but that's not important in this situation. I know what it's like to have people look at me in a particular way b/c they have seen compromising pictures of me. Perhaps one of the most traumatizing points was that it could happen anywhere. I would be out enjoying myself, meeting people, and then some one would make a passive-aggressive comment. I guess they couldn't be direct, 'for propriety's sake'.
For propriety's sake, I could be a little more careful about my company. I acknowledge that like my abusers, I have seemingly had disrespect for my representation. However, my motives are not the same. I have not had disdain for myself or others, and I particularily know how to appreciate the dignity of one's privacy. Like many people who go through abusive situations, here I am questioning my own actions. If I had been more careful, I might not have been in that scenario. To that, I say, "Go seek self gratification with unsuccessful ends, abuser." (censored version) There is a whole photo album in my soul of people I maybe should not have met. It's an album that I cherish. To my 'porn star' friend, there are many things I cannot say, for propriety's sake, but I hope that he knows the picture that I hold of him is one of nobility and importance, not contempt.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Do you feel like I do?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9_g8DuKR4w&NR=1&feature=fvwp
Friends have been asking me, 'If you could do anything you want, what would it be?' I'm going to tell you the truth right here. *pssst* I would be a rock star. When I first moved back to Toronto, I sang on the street. Not for money. It was because I love it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB19kSIrFNc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WsmIckKJvE It's about being happy for no particular reason. Then, sharing it with whoever wants to hear it. In the meantime, I am now going to sing all five versions of One Love. TTFN. *mmmwwwa*
Friends have been asking me, 'If you could do anything you want, what would it be?' I'm going to tell you the truth right here. *pssst* I would be a rock star. When I first moved back to Toronto, I sang on the street. Not for money. It was because I love it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB19kSIrFNc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WsmIckKJvE It's about being happy for no particular reason. Then, sharing it with whoever wants to hear it. In the meantime, I am now going to sing all five versions of One Love. TTFN. *mmmwwwa*
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
"I have no words for my reality." - Max Frisch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEfz9VfFOKQ
The nice thing about when everything falls apart, and there's nothing I can do is that I am then free to pursue the things that have no words. There are no answers, or goals to attain. I tried... and it's not that I failed. It's not even that life failed me. It's just a sense of SomeOne greater than me, caring for me, and I am falling into those Everlasting Arms.
Sure, I can tell you the details, but what do they matter? Really. What is important when nothing works? It is the ability to dream. Something in my heart ponders in anticipation, 'What's next?'
The only response is a song without lyrics. And a drawer full of socks that have no pairs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7KHlEtM-Ho&feature=fvsr
The nice thing about when everything falls apart, and there's nothing I can do is that I am then free to pursue the things that have no words. There are no answers, or goals to attain. I tried... and it's not that I failed. It's not even that life failed me. It's just a sense of SomeOne greater than me, caring for me, and I am falling into those Everlasting Arms.
Sure, I can tell you the details, but what do they matter? Really. What is important when nothing works? It is the ability to dream. Something in my heart ponders in anticipation, 'What's next?'
The only response is a song without lyrics. And a drawer full of socks that have no pairs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7KHlEtM-Ho&feature=fvsr
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Watch
There is a watch that has no numbers. When I was a busy office worker, it told me the time in line with my expectation. I knew when to have lunch, and when to go home. Then I lost my job. I almost sold that watch. How stupid to own a tool that dictated how to manage tasks I no longer had to accomplish.
As I wallowed in despair, I stared at the watch. That was when I noticed the second hand. It did not tick. It glided. I was led into a vision. The face was a pool, and I was a diver. As I plunged deeper and deeper I came to an understanding. I was learning how to wait.
The watch for waiting does not have numbers. The second hand does not tick. It glides. The watch is an object.
The watch that is an action calls me to a second chance. It calls me to new beginnings. I could not see it when I was in a hurry. I could only perceive it when I stopped and looked at the watch that once told me the time.
As I wallowed in despair, I stared at the watch. That was when I noticed the second hand. It did not tick. It glided. I was led into a vision. The face was a pool, and I was a diver. As I plunged deeper and deeper I came to an understanding. I was learning how to wait.
The watch for waiting does not have numbers. The second hand does not tick. It glides. The watch is an object.
The watch that is an action calls me to a second chance. It calls me to new beginnings. I could not see it when I was in a hurry. I could only perceive it when I stopped and looked at the watch that once told me the time.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Happy 70th John Lennon
It may sound melancholic to say I would like to write about the experience of facing discouragement. Especially when you hear the theme song for today's blog. This is Dave Matthew's rendition: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZEqfJ4mgiE You must understand, today is not about when some one was assassinated. Today is John Lennon's 70th birthday. He lived for what he stood for, and stood for what he lived.
In facing discouragement, he would've said, 'Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans'. To quote from Watching the Wheels, 'There is no problem, only solutions.' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcZqUPOUQmA&feature=related Great. I am now wiping tears from my eyes in the public library. Maybe the line on which I need to expound is, 'People say I'm crazy'.
Anyhow, discouragement is about having a particular goal or expectation, and being disappointed. We've all heard about facing our fears. I think when we face our discouragement, we stop fear before it can start. We need to see past the feeling, right to the purpose. While this article by Kathryn Blaze Carlson is about innovative ideas, I think it also gives vision to the next step from discouragement: http://news.nationalpost.com/2010/10/09/how-ideas-are-born/
Discouragement is the walkway that is paved before our achievements. It causes us to define the timing. It sometimes turns the achievement into being something different from what we started. When it stems from our personal mistakes, it opens up conversation and collective solutions. 'A dream you dream alone is just a dream. A dream you dream together is a reality.' - John Lennon
In facing discouragement, he would've said, 'Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans'. To quote from Watching the Wheels, 'There is no problem, only solutions.' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcZqUPOUQmA&feature=related Great. I am now wiping tears from my eyes in the public library. Maybe the line on which I need to expound is, 'People say I'm crazy'.
Anyhow, discouragement is about having a particular goal or expectation, and being disappointed. We've all heard about facing our fears. I think when we face our discouragement, we stop fear before it can start. We need to see past the feeling, right to the purpose. While this article by Kathryn Blaze Carlson is about innovative ideas, I think it also gives vision to the next step from discouragement: http://news.nationalpost.com/2010/10/09/how-ideas-are-born/
Discouragement is the walkway that is paved before our achievements. It causes us to define the timing. It sometimes turns the achievement into being something different from what we started. When it stems from our personal mistakes, it opens up conversation and collective solutions. 'A dream you dream alone is just a dream. A dream you dream together is a reality.' - John Lennon
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Fantasy Football
This video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANT55sJJgkc is not about football. It's about aspiring, potential boyfriends. My response: I decline. My Fantasy Football is a speculative way of regarding the choice of singleness. All my life I have been prepped to get married. It probably started with the prominence of Walt Disney. Let me first credit Mr Disney for the creation of Mickey Mouse. Walt was homeless and a pastor let him stay in the attic. That was where he met a mouse. His imaginations were not a form of escapism. They were a creative way of perceiving circumstances. Walt has definately been a positive influence on me, in that manner. How unfortunate that women were not recognized beyond their role as wife and mother during his generation.
The reality with which I contend is the financial challenge of being single in a big city. My phone just rang. The property manager of my building has been incredibly gracious, but it's come to a point where the sherriff can change my locks. Four years ago, I attained my own apartment with the thought that I would stay there and establish myself. I got a dog, then a cat (but no mouse). It seemed I would have a permanent job just down the street. Instead, I have been fulfilling some wonderful temp assignments and building my own business. I used credit to tide me over until 'things got better'. My reality is a duppy. What's a 'duppy'? That's what I asked when I heard Bob Marley's, Duppy Conqueror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkqmEB-jUhY&feature=related (Bob Marley's identity challenge was one of race. In facing it, he put Jamaican music on a worldwide radar. He was also awarded The Peace Medal of the Third World by the United Nations.)
A duppy, according to Wikipedia, is a Jamaican word for a spirit/ghost that is malicious. The song's reference is to 'human vampires', who like to hang around successful people and suck the life and joy out of them. My duppy, is not human like at all. It's a phenomenon. And I, in fantasy, am Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not the tv series character but the original movie character (played by Kristy Swanson). Here's a trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_H3w9FAHTA
My Fantasy Football, features me as a peppy, intelligent cheerleader who has a destiny to destroy life-sucking circumstances. Their accusations against me can be synopsized as, 'If you stay in Toronto, you will always be of a low socio economic status.'
Why is Toronto so important to me? I was born right downtown in a Catholic hospital, and delivered by a Jewish doctor. Toronto has no religious bounds. In professional sports, there is a soccer team, a football team, a hockey team, and a baseball team. They all fail consistently, yet many cheer for them as though they were gold medal olympians.
It's paradoxical that in speaking on my identity as a single, metropolitan woman, I have referenced two men. Maybe one day I'll share more about women who have encouraged me with their success as singles.
http://www.mosaika-sl.ca/view-a-video.html?videoid=8f35e6fa-572d-48ce-a52f-e55626f449d0
The reality with which I contend is the financial challenge of being single in a big city. My phone just rang. The property manager of my building has been incredibly gracious, but it's come to a point where the sherriff can change my locks. Four years ago, I attained my own apartment with the thought that I would stay there and establish myself. I got a dog, then a cat (but no mouse). It seemed I would have a permanent job just down the street. Instead, I have been fulfilling some wonderful temp assignments and building my own business. I used credit to tide me over until 'things got better'. My reality is a duppy. What's a 'duppy'? That's what I asked when I heard Bob Marley's, Duppy Conqueror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkqmEB-jUhY&feature=related (Bob Marley's identity challenge was one of race. In facing it, he put Jamaican music on a worldwide radar. He was also awarded The Peace Medal of the Third World by the United Nations.)
A duppy, according to Wikipedia, is a Jamaican word for a spirit/ghost that is malicious. The song's reference is to 'human vampires', who like to hang around successful people and suck the life and joy out of them. My duppy, is not human like at all. It's a phenomenon. And I, in fantasy, am Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not the tv series character but the original movie character (played by Kristy Swanson). Here's a trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_H3w9FAHTA
My Fantasy Football, features me as a peppy, intelligent cheerleader who has a destiny to destroy life-sucking circumstances. Their accusations against me can be synopsized as, 'If you stay in Toronto, you will always be of a low socio economic status.'
Why is Toronto so important to me? I was born right downtown in a Catholic hospital, and delivered by a Jewish doctor. Toronto has no religious bounds. In professional sports, there is a soccer team, a football team, a hockey team, and a baseball team. They all fail consistently, yet many cheer for them as though they were gold medal olympians.
It's paradoxical that in speaking on my identity as a single, metropolitan woman, I have referenced two men. Maybe one day I'll share more about women who have encouraged me with their success as singles.
http://www.mosaika-sl.ca/view-a-video.html?videoid=8f35e6fa-572d-48ce-a52f-e55626f449d0
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Black Night> Deep Purple> Indigo
How do I transpose the sounds I am hearing in my head into words? Okay, I am exaggerating. I'm listening to YouTube. The song was, Black Night, and I'll share my rendition (in words, not music) in just a minute. (I say as I take a sip of blackcurrent juice and vodka.) *deep breath...focus* Wow...that was Deep Purple doing Black Night. One time, I had to work an info desk at a mall. There was an Indigo store there, and they had posters about an upcoming Harry Potter event. I had a nightmare where there was no picture just one word whispered maliciously, 'Indigo'. As you know, it was not a traditional nightmare, just sleep contemplations of an interesting event.
Back to Black Night. I thought I would finish the day of dogsitting on a positive note, by taking the dogs out to do the business. It was very dark, and the cul-de-sac was roped off. You may know I have training in Emergency Procedures. So, I know, there should always be one access open...so I walked under the caution tape, and the dogs, being on leashes, followed. When we got back inside, I discovered there had been sealant on the road that was now on the paws of the dogs. And that's my rendition of Black Night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pkg0xJj2A4w
Back to Black Night. I thought I would finish the day of dogsitting on a positive note, by taking the dogs out to do the business. It was very dark, and the cul-de-sac was roped off. You may know I have training in Emergency Procedures. So, I know, there should always be one access open...so I walked under the caution tape, and the dogs, being on leashes, followed. When we got back inside, I discovered there had been sealant on the road that was now on the paws of the dogs. And that's my rendition of Black Night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pkg0xJj2A4w
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