"For Propriety's Sake"

Having recently moved to a new area, I am learning the culture. The majority are either 25-35 or over 60 years old. To meet some one in their 40s is almost call to celebration in and of itself. Commence, my questionable encounter.  Background scenario: We were at Karaoke, which ended at 11pm. The people are absolutely adorable. In spite of the fact that Elvis Presley has claim to five full pages in the songbook, there is a diversity of music, much of which is appropriate for ballroom and line dancing.

We noticed one another from the moment he walked into the room b/c we were the only 'young folk'.  (I actually got ID'd) He invited me back to his place to play guitar, and I accepted. I hadn't touched a guitar for over a decade. While I was sidetracked by recollecting http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JY80pGWX92g
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUAdgt5Glk0 my new friend told me he had been a porn star. "Oh, for propriety's sake."  He had done it to help with the expenses of his now ex-girlfriend's children. There is nothing I can do to take away his guilt and his shame. I can only acknowledge the pain.

I didn't tell him that I know some of that pain, because under the circumstance, it would not have been appropriate. What he doesn't know was that I was exploited by some one using my image. It was not with my consent, but that's not important in this situation. I know what it's like to have people look at me in a particular way b/c they have seen compromising pictures of me. Perhaps one of the most traumatizing points was that it could happen anywhere. I would be out enjoying myself, meeting people, and then some one would make a passive-aggressive comment. I guess they couldn't be direct, 'for propriety's sake'.

For propriety's sake, I could be a little more careful about my company. I acknowledge that like my abusers, I have seemingly had disrespect for my representation. However, my motives are not the same. I have not had disdain for myself or others, and I particularily know how to appreciate the dignity of one's privacy. Like many people who go through abusive situations, here I am questioning my own actions. If I had been more careful, I might not have been in that scenario. To that, I say, "Go seek self gratification with unsuccessful ends, abuser." (censored version) There is a whole photo album in my soul of people I maybe should not have met. It's an album that I cherish. To my 'porn star' friend, there are many things I cannot say, for propriety's sake, but I hope that he knows the picture that I hold of him is one of nobility and importance, not contempt.